So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
