I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
