He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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