I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
