Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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