Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
