just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
