I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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