a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
