when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
