There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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