Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
