By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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