Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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