watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
