Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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