your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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