i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i think i just lost a toe
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
