When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
