I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
