I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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