i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
