yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
