Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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