im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
