I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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