I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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