He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
