rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
