Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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