obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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