I will die if light touches me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
