I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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