never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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