my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
