I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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