she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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