love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
