I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
