just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
