i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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