Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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