I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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