she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
