i was born a porn star she said
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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