New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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