dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
