I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I stole a fireplace last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize