wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
