I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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