My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
