at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
