We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize