So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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