We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
