Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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