I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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