Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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