Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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