NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
