so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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