Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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