After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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