you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
