New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh god it's open bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
