Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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