Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
