Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
