Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
