I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
