farters have to be the big spoon...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
