Just fell off a train. Bad.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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