RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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