This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
