she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
