I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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