he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
