He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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